All right, this one is kind of a big shot and I want your opinion… Some time ago I had this idea of writing a personal style guide for complete dummies, that is, for girls who, like myself, have never been taught how to choose their clothes, or how to paint their nails, or make a messy bun that actually holds… well, you know the kind. Some may say these are mere futilities and it’s the soul that matters (and I will sign up to that) but, damn it, we are women, or aren’t we?
So, here’s what might become a beginning of a book that I’ve called “Style for aliens”… Tell me if I should continue )))
A realistic guide to personal style for stay-at-home mums and other extraterrestrials
Realist (noun) – a person who accepts the world as it is literally and deals with it accordingly (www.vocabulary.com)
Hi! My name is Ira and I’m an alien.
What? Prove it? All right, if you insist… How about this: I’m 33 and I still don’t know how to use liquid eye liner. Neither do you? Oh, I see: you’re one of us! Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.
Actually, I’m here to help you. Keep reading and I’ll teach you all you need to know.
First things first
Let’s make it clear from the beginning: there are no miracle solutions. The only way to turn an ugly duckling into a beautiful swan overnight is plastic surgery. Goodbye, and have a nice day!
You’re still with me? Good!
So, what’s the use of this book and why is it different from everything else on the shelf? I dare say, its biggest point is the realistic approach to life, style and our precious selves. “Let’s be realistic” will become our favourite mantra, so start getting used to it right now. Here, repeat after me:
Let’s be realistic!
Leeet’s beee reeeaaaliiistiiiic!
All right, now you’re ready for the truth. The duckling will never become a swan unless it had swan DNA from the very beginning. Instead, the duckling can become a decent-looking duck if it bothers to try. And what we’re going to do here is try and evaluate the duckling’s appearance and work on it, both on the in- and outside, in order to achieve some visible improvement.
– Are you ready?
– Are you ready?
– Who’s the best?
– We’re the best!
– Who is ugly?
– We are ugly… Wait! Whaaat?
– Oups! Just joking…
Chapter 1: Mirror, mirror on the wall… smartphone, smartphone in the pocket
Before we start working on our appearance, let’s have a good look at it.
We will need: a big mirror and a good source of light.
We won’t need: critical attitude.
You might be on less than good terms with your reflection (how often do you criticise her, even though she can’t respond?) but this will soon change: from now on your mirror twin will be your best friend and assistant. Indeed, a friend who tells you the truth and keeps your secrets is worth two!
Your second assistant will be your smartphone, or, more exactly, its camera. We’re going to take selfies, girls! You might have noticed that you look different in the mirror and on pictures. The reason is… physics! Optics, to be precise. When people (or your camera’s lens) look at you, they see you as you are. When you look at yourself in the mirror, you see a reversed image…