For those who are not in the club, a SAHM is a stay-at-home mother, a subspecies of homo sapiens generally recognizable by lack of style (being a direct result of her 24/7 mum job). She’s the one most likely to have dirty hair, stained clothes and socks that don’t match (if any). The worst thing? She is totally aware of what’s going on but she can’t help it: there are more important things in her life, like preventing the kids from climbing on things, or falling off things, or eating stuff… or just about anything kid or family related. But a SAHM remains a woman and, from time to time, she wants to look like one. Believe me, she does.
Hence, this quick guide.
Before we start, let’s do a simple exercise (don’t worry, I won’t ask you to twist your body into a Celtic knot, the effort is purely mental): imagine that you have to run out into the street right now… Ready? There you go! You open the front door and… what a coincidence, there’s a TV crew broadcasting live just in front of your house! The camera zooms on you and a million people see you on their HD screens, your week-old clothes, your morning hair and all! Embarrassed? If the answer is yes, go on reading and, hopefully, next time you do this exercise, you’ll be proud of yourself.
The tips I’ve collected here are first and foremost for my personal use but some of you might profit from them too, so let’s begin!
1. Determine your current size: from now on this is the size you’ll buy. Clothes should hug your body, not squeeze it, so kiss goodbye that treasured pre-kid pair of pants!
2. Toss away your stock of t-shirts with funny graphics: from now on, plain colours are your best friends. Plain colours are super stylish. Watch any “people” event (if you have the nerve) and you’ll see what I mean.
3. Embrace the colour but not too many colours at a time. Patterns are fine (there’s no better way to hide stains!) but don’t overdo: one patterned piece of clothes at a time is enough.
4. Idem for denim and knits. Knits are strong focal points and won’t gain from being combined with more knits. And an all-denim look… just don’t!
5. Tunics. If you hate your body, buy tunics: they will disguise any unsightly features, both above and below the waist.
6. Pants. SAHMs are famous for wearing yoga pants but a well-fitting pair of jeans works just as great, looks better and lasts longer. And most important, regular waist jeans keep your jelly belly in the right place! What’s more to ask?
7. Dressing up. Buy yourself a dress that makes you feel gorgeous. You won’t probably wear it often, but it will be there to remind you who you are.
8. Hair. If you washed it any time before yesterday, put it up! Besides the obvious convenience, an up-do, even made on the run, looks better than dirty hair hanging loose.
9. Face and body. Just keep them clean. Shower when you can. Use bribery. Take small kids to the bathroom with you. Personal hygiene is non-negotiable.
10. Forget all the rules and be yourself! After all, there are more important things in life…