It’s a sad time for me, heartbreakingly sad, but I still feel the need to write… maybe because it’s too hard to say it aloud… My Grandma is gone. The kindest person ever. The one who has loved me more that anyone ever would. Who took care of me for sixteen long years, who made my braids, checked my homework and bought me too many sweets… A heart of gold that beats no more.
She was a strictest guardian angel who kept me in a greenhouse of her love, away from microbes and temptations. I played with “good kids”, avoided climbing trees and going to dangerous places, took dance classes and studied until late at night. She had high expectations and I did my best to live up to them. I’m sorry if I failed. I didn’t become a ballet star, nor a white collar worker. I didn’t marry a “good boy”. I have married a divorced man with three kids and I prefer to work with my hands. And I like my life. I have tried hard to realize her dreams but it didn’t work. I’m sorry, Granny, but we cannot cheat the fate.
I hope she is well where she is now. My sister says she went away in peace and it’s a big consolation to me: she has suffered enough. She went through the war as a child, worked long hours as an adult and stayed bedridden for years until her time came. I hope she is up there with the angels, a place that belongs to her more than anyone else I know.
Goodbye Grandma! You never taught me love talk but I know the right words now: I love you! I love you so much and I’m sorry… and I’m finally able to cry… Goodbye my angel! Whatever life brings, I promise you to try hard to be happy – I know this is what you wished me to be.